Regrets - Part 3

There is probably no area of regret that brings more pain than that related to children.  For most of us, a healthy relationship with our children as they become adults is a desire at the least.  It is also a desire that our children grow to be responsible adults and are able to do well in their jobs and families.  For Christians, a high priority is passing the Christian faith to our children with them living their lives in a manner pleasing to God.

The Bible is not silent on child rearing.  Well known passages include Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”  In our context, we could paraphrase this to say that training a child in the way he should go will prevent much pain and many regrets. 

It is my conclusion from life’s experiences that we cannot teach that which we do not believe ourselves.  The do as I say and not as I do instruction does not go very far with our children.  So this tells me that the most important part of parenting that brings no regret is that not of being perfect in our own ways but being intentional in dealing with our own shortcomings.  Children are extremely perceptive.  They can detect double standards and hypocrisy miles away. 

There are generally two paths or mindsets in raising children to become what we desire them to become as individuals.  One is to train for behavior.  This sounds noble as good behavior is normally rewarded.  Poor behavior draws attention in another manner.  Good behavior and good choices afford a level of protection.  We want to protect our children from addictive behaviors so we teach them of the dangers.  We implement curfews and establish boundaries for protection.  We discipline and punish poor behavior and poor choices.  All of this and much more is done with the hope of establishing an acceptable behavior that is rewarded rather than punished.  Despite the most noble of efforts, most parents look back at what they could have done differently with regret.

Another mindset is to train or focus on the heart in contrast to focusing on behaviors.  Behavioral focus is law based.  Kids see it as a list of thou shalts and thou shalt nots.  With high enough fences and strict enough curfews, behavior can be controlled for a season.  However, when the the gate opens and our children are free to make their own choices, the true results will be made known.

Training the heart focuses on what is going on inside in contrast to what happens on the outside.  This training requires a close relationship where trust abounds and where love is unquestioned.  It is a huge investment with a demand upon the parent to sacrifice time more than anything else.    

At the end of life, I don’t think there are many who wish they would have worked harder so they could have purchased their children more things.  I believe a much more common regret will be that of not spending more time with those closest to us and passing good values directly to their hearts.

Regrets - Part 2

Every day we miss an opportunity of one form or another.  Sometimes this means we live without a benefit and sometimes this means someone else lives without a benefit they could have had. 

I believe God and Satan both put opportunities in front of us.  Of course the opportunities that Satan puts in front of us are really temptations but at the time they look like opportunities.

In Galatians 6:10, “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”

I can’t imagine how many opportunities to do good that I have missed.  And the reasons for not taking these opportunities may be just as numerous.  Can you relate to any of these?

I was in too big of a hurry.  I ran out of time.  I was busy.  I was in the middle of something else.  I had other plans.  It would have made me late.  I could not afford it.  That person annoys me.  I didn’t know him or her.  It wasn’t my responsibility.  Someone else will do it if I don’t.  It looked like a risk.  I didn’t feel good.  I didn’t want to. 

Most of the items I listed above sound more like excuses, don’t they?  That is, except the last one, I didn’t want to.

Maybe you are asking what these missed opportunities have to do with regrets.  After all, when I choose to pass by a stranger in need, I usually forget the situation quickly.

In Matthew 25, Jesus commands us to care for the least of those around us.  He said “as you did to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.”  He also said, “as you did not do it to one of the lease of these, you did not do it to me.” 

This story immediately follows the parable of the talents.  In this parable, a master gave money in differing measures to three different individuals with differing abilities.  They were to return the money plus a gain upon the man’s return.  Two of the three invested the money and returned a profit.  The third was afraid and put the money into a hole in the ground so he would not lose it.  Upon returning, the master was not pleased with him for he did not attempt to use it for a profit.  The first two returned the investment plus a profit.  They heard the words, “enter into the joy of your master.”  The third who made no effort for profit was called worthless and cast into outer darkness. 

Both of these lessons that Jesus taught carry the principle that how we use what God has given us in this life will either bring reward or regret. 

Regrets - Part 1

The best definition of regret is a feeling of sorrow or remorse over something that has happened or has been done as well as the same feeling for a missed opportunity. 

We all have regrets.  Some regrets we get over quickly.  That may be because the loss was not that great or what could have been gained was either not significant or it could be gained another way.  But some regrets are significant with pain that can last a lifetime. 

I remember a conversation I had with an old cowboy rancher from western South Dakota.  He really was not as old as he looked.  He was struggling with some major health issues including emphysema.  In between gasps for air he told me that had he known he would live this long, he would have taken better care of himself.  This was certainly a regret and sadly for something that was irreversible. 

I have lived long enough to hear numbers of regrets from people who wish they could just go back and have a do over.  A man regrets not having worked harder to save his marriage.  A father regrets not spending more time with his children in their growing years.  A woman regrets the first time she ever went to a casino.  A teen regrets driving his car recklessly which caused an accident.   A man regrets not visiting his aging father more.  

Let’s face it.  Regrets mean there is pain and so often, the pain could have been avoided had only . . .  Had only I made a better choice. 

I know there are things we regret that are outside of our control.  But for today, let’s focus on the types of regrets that are linked to our choices.  They are the hardest to deal with.  It is harder to bear these regrets.  Who can we blame but ourselves? 

Regrets that burden us from carrying on with life are a form of bondage.  Bondage is never from God so it is right to conclude that God desires to set us free from this bondage.  Living in regrets is living in the past and keeps us from either enjoying the present or from making the most of present opportunities for good. 

When God forgives, He remembers our sin no more.  He doesn’t hold the wrong choices or actions against us.  With this He opens doors of hope for a better future and He desires that we look forward to this future He has planned for us.

1 John 1:9 says that if we confess our sin, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

This does not change history, but it does give hope for a brighter future.

Measuring Benefits

I was recently discussing with an electrician the evolving of the light bulb.  In the last ten years we have moved from the incandescent bulb to the compact florescent bulb to LED bulbs.  The newer bulbs are more expensive but they use only a percentage of the electricity of the older bulbs.  It was an investment to switch to the CFL bulbs.  They used about a third of the electricity of its predecessor.  Now the LED has emerged which uses about half the energy of its predecessor, the CFL.  These investments in newer technology promise lower electricity bills in the future.  They are much like investing in new insulation in an older home.  There is a cost up front but the return is unending as long as you live in the home.  But we cannot measure the savings because there are other variables such as how cold the winter is, where the thermometer is set, and the always changing price of fuel.

This is similar in other areas of life.  Driving defensively prevents accidents but we don’t know what type of accident or how severe the accident would have been.  We may not even realize that an accident was prevented.  Eating healthy is good but we can’t measure the cost of a disease we don’t get. 

So it is with our spiritual health.  Jesus said to seek first the kingdom of God and other good things will come our way (Matthew 6:33).  We cannot measure the value of these benefits when they are received nor can we if they never come our way. 

God challenged His people to give their tithes and offerings in the book of Malachi.  He said that we should test Him and see if He would not open the window of heaven and pour out blessings.  He also said he would rebuke the devourer.  It is possible to miss out on a great blessing and not know what we missed.  It is also possible for God to protect us from something that would have eaten us alive and not realize it.

We understand the principle of investing in energy saving light bulbs or in insulation and we accept the truth that we will never be able to measure the savings exactly.  We just know there will be a saving.  So, are we able to grasp the same principle concerning the priority we give to God in our lives?

NON-CONFORMERS

On a daily basis I read or watch news stories about the radical group ISIS.  I have a particular interest in its relentless and growing resolve to attack Christians from around the world because they do not conform to a certain way of thinking.  Of a similar nature, I see stories from here in the United States where Christians are attacked, sometimes by the government, for holding to their religious convictions.  These convictions were once firmly protected as the right to free exercise of religion based in the first amendment to the constitution.  The indictment is for refusal to conform to our society’s attempt to redefine marriage and is guised under the label of discrimination.  Please note, the people not being served by those trying to stay true to their personal beliefs have other options.  They are not truly suffering.

The Christians under extreme persecution in Syria and the florists and bakers being forced out of business for not sanctioning a same sex wedding are similar in that they are refusing to conform.  I am certain there are exceptions, but generally these non-conformists are not inflicting bodily or financial harm on anyone.  Only an extremist would dare call them evil.

If the Apostle Paul were alive today, he would be cheering on the grandmother in Washington State who would rather lose her store than conform to the pressure of the State for not making floral arrangements for a same-sex wedding.

In the glory days of Rome, a disturbing sect called Christians came on the scene.  They had not heard the rule, ‘when in Rome, do as the Romans do.’  Rather, they refused to be absorbed into the godless society of Rome.  The Romans figured they could control one’s conscience by law, so laws against being different were made.  Non-conformists were threatened with death and many chose death rather than compromise their consciences. 

Paul, a Roman Christian, took up a pen and wrote an encouragement to Christians for all ages.  “Be not conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

Times have changed, but the human heart hasn’t.  Pressures continue to bear upon Christians to conform their thinking to unhealthy and ungodly ways.  Expect it to continue, but don’t give in.  Rather renew your thinking through God’s word, and you will discover His perfect will.

The Cost of Missed Opportunities

We have all heard it said, ‘what we don’t know won’t hurt us.’  Dave Ramsey calls this ridiculous.  Not knowing a tornado is coming can be deadly.  Not knowing a pan is hot will get you burned.

A similar thought but somewhat in reverse deals with missed opportunities.  Opportunities not known about bring no regrets.  Despite this, potential gains and benefits did exist and could have been attained. 

What about opportunities we intentionally miss? 

When we forgo an opportunity, we have made a decision that the benefits of the opportunity are of less value than something else.  We have many opportunities to worship and to grow as Christians.  When we say no to these opportunities, we are telling God there is something more important and of more value to us.  It is more than, I am just too busy or too tired or something else is planned.